The Garden Chainsaw Massacre
by Zombie-Cecil
Summary: Parody showing my hate of the Final Fantasy VIII characters. Violence abound but not intended to offend. Authors notes from first posting at FFWA.org


Final Fantasy VIII: The Garden Chainsaw Massacre

(a/n) Yeah, fucked idea, huh? If you don't realize from the title, FF8 characters are going to be brutally murdered. If this offends you, turn back now. If you haven't played Final Fantasy VIII, chances are, you won't like this fic. This contains spoilers about the events in the game. If you are playing through it for the first time, don't read this until you are finished. This is a short fic. Maybe, If I'm feeling rather evil, I will post sequels. Actually, I've already got an idea for a sequel brewing up inside my head. Thank you for listening (like you had a choice?)

Here Comes The Onslaught!

Chapter 1: Fuelling

It had been three years since the SeeD's destroyed Ultimecia and halted Time Compression. There was no longer any evil to plague the world... but that would soon change.

Squall Leonhart flicked back his long brown hair. He was admiring himself in the mirror again. He looked at the tips. The red streaks the Rinoa had put in there, while Squall was asleep, had almost grown out. He tied the back of his hair into a small ponytail, and left the rest as it was, only sweeping it out of the way as a form of grooming. He took off his jacket, leaving a thin white shirt and black pants. He caressed the scar that cleft his face. He often blamed that scar for all of the responsibilities pushed on him. Squall had lived the majority of his life in Balamb Garden, a combat academy that was once on Balamb Island. The only reason that it wasn't, was because near the closing of the 'Magic Era,' Garden was discovered with the capability of flight. Squall was the Headmaster of Garden, a position that was thrusted into Squalls hands, weither he wanted it to or not. The maddening sound of feedback could be heard over the intercom.

"Hee hee, sorry." It was Selphie. Squall hadn't the slightest idea what she was doing playing around in the Headmasters office, but Squall looked up at the speaker anyway. "Umm.... The third annual Garden Festival is comin' up soon. If anyone would like to help me, I'll be at the quad. OH! And visit the Festival page on the school network. Thanks!" Squall shook his head. The students wouldn't do anything unless there was something in it for them and Squall knew that. He was in that position not so long ago. Squall began to walk towards his office. He had to get a set of papers before beginning his class, Bladed Combat. He was stopped by Rinoa in the elevator. Smiling at her, he began to speak.

"Hows your day been going?" he asked. Rinoa was dressed in a loose-fitting light green T-shirt, with tight blue jeans, and she was carrying some teacher notes.

"It's great. I've got Junior Black Magic next, you?" Rinoa asked, running her right hand through her thick, long black hair. Squall hated it when she did this. It made him nervous and she knew it. She chuckled softly.

"I've got Bladed Combat."

"Where are your teacher notes?" She asked. "The class begins in two minutes."

"Forget the notes, I'll just make it a practical lesson." Squall said in a monotone.

"Too lazy to get them?" The elevator door opened on the second floor.

"What ever." He said walking towards his classroom. Squall reached into his pocket to find the ring case. Rinoa was going to love it. Squall entered the class room. "Okay, everyone? Get your weapons and head to the training centre. Practical test." The whole class room was buzzing. Squall left the room to bump into Selphie. She was five inches shorter than Squall was, and his weight set her off-bablance. Her green eyes glared at him. She was wearing a low-cut yellow shirt, with matching mini-skirt. Squall helped her up. "Sorry Selph. I thought that you this week off to work on the festival?"

"I did. I just need one of my helpers." Selphie said. Squall was surprised that anyone actually applied.

"Yup. Wheres Dono?" Squall poked his head around the door. Dono was lightly tanned, wearing a t-shirt with shorts. His dark brown eyes contrasted against his blonde hair. He wasn't incredibly muscular, but he was tall, almost as tall as Squall was. Squall got the boys attention.

"Dono! Selphie wants to speak with you." Dono got up from out of his seat. One of his classmates shot a spitwad at him.

"Festival pussy!" The rest of the classed laughed.

"Ganra! Dicipline Commitee! NOW!" Squall barked at Dono's tormentor. Selphie stared angrily at the troublemaker as he passed.

"Dono, shall we head to the quad now?" Selphie asked kindly.

"Dono, you'll have to do the practical test tomorrow." Squall said before Selphie and Dono headed towards the quad.

The test passed quick, and Squall often found himself taking marks off for lack of style. Sure it was a stupid thing to demerit, but if you're going to win, you might as well look awesome too. There was one person left when Squall saw Selphie walking towards him. She was alone.

"Selphie, wheres Dono?" Selphie stared blankly at Squall.

"Dono tried to rape me. When I pushed him off, he was really angry. He tried to use some of the tools against me." Anger welled up in Squalls mind.

"Wheres the bastard now?" Squall asked through gritted teeth. Selphie was still a blank slate.

"I let Seifer take care of him." Siefer was at the head of the dicipline commitee, which may as well have been called the torture commitee. The other two were Seifers drones, Raijin and Fujin. Speaking of which, Raijin, Seifers right-hand-man was running towards Squall. His normally stounch face was frozen in terror and his dark complexion had become a deathly-white.

"Oh my fucking GOD!!!!" Riajin was screaming. Squall put his hands on Raijins shoulders and shook him.

"What is it, Raijin?" Squall asked

"Oh fuck. It's Seifer, ya know? Oh GOD!!!" Raijin was yelling hysterically.

"What about Seifer?"

"Fuck, he's dead Squall! SIEFERS FUCKING DEAD!!!!!" Raijin yelled. The students recoiled in fear.

"What happened to him?"

"I don't know what happened! I found him at the quad! he was MURDERED!!!" Raijin continued yelling! Squall turned around.

"All students! Head to the MD level!" The students ran there quickly. Squall pulled out a walkie-talkie. "Rinoa! Raijins found Siefer dead. He says it looks like murder! Get all of the students to the MD level!" He put the walkie-talkie away. Raijin, show me where you found Seifer. Raijin was silent, but lead Squall to the crime scene.

The Garden Festival stage was a bloodied mess. Seifers body was strewn over the top. He was skinned and there was a nasty gash in his chest where his organs were torn out. That was Seifers body. The head was no-where to be found. Selphie, Raijin and Squall were rooted with fear.

"Selphie, you say you saw Seifer?" Squall asked.

"Yes. When he sorted Dono out." Raijin spoke up.

"Sort out? thats bullshit, ya know? We all do this together, ya know?"

"Dono tried to rape me. Seifer saw." Raijin didn't speak. After a minute of silence Squall was the forst person to speak.

"You say that Dono tried to assault you with tools?"

"Yes."

"What type of tools were there, if you can remember?"

"Umm.... Mostly power-tools. A drill, a sander..." Squall cut her off.

"Were there any tools that could do this sort of damage?"

"Well.....There was a chainsaw for cutting the timber...." A pin dropped on the card house that was Squalls mind, bringing it down.

"Chainsaw....." He has already begun his rampage. The populous of the garden could come crashing to it's knees at the hands of one of it's students. 'The students wouldn't do anything unless there was something in it for them.' Those words sounded in Squalls mind. The festival gave one student an opportunity.... an opportunity to kill.

That begin's the sarcasm intellectual /sarcasm story of The Garden Chainsaw Massacre. Yeah, it was a short chap, but hey, it's a short story. I can tell you now, that not all is as it seems.

Chapter 2: Revving.

For the next two days, the students of Garden resided in the industrial dump that was MD level. They had food coming down on a giant dumbwaiter that landed in the workers room. Eventually, it would run out. The students couldn't take any more of this, and neither could Squall. He had staff patrolling the Garden, but it still didn't feel secure.

He was heading to the control room to head for the gargantuan city of Esthar, where Squalls father, Laguna, was president. He come across Rinoa. She was pale, and obviously depressed with the fact that there was a disgruntled youth roaming campus with a weapon-of-mass-laceration.

"Hey, you okay Rinoa?" Squall asked with honest emotion.

"No, not really." Rinoa replied flatly.

"Did we get the autopsy results back?" Squall had an autopsy done to hit the exact time of death. That was the basis for making any other forenzic reasearch.

"Yeah... I guess thats what's put me in such a downer..." Rinoa trailed off. Squall asked:

"What is it?" Rinoa looked away.

"Nothing adds up. Selphie said she saw Seifer on Friday... but the autopsy results showed... they showed..."

"Tell me."

"They show that Seifers been dead since Wednesday." Rinoa started to cry. Squall embraced her and looked onward, speachless. How could that be?

The feedback began again. Like anyones going to help Selphie now? Squall didn't expect what he heard though. It was Zell's overly excited babling.

"Everyone to the MD level NOW!!!" Zells yelled into the intercom. "AAARRRRRRRRGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Zell screamed into the microphone. "OH GOD PLEASE!!!!! NOT ME!!!!! PLEASE NOT..... AAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!" The screaming rekindled. The sound of heavy footsteps could just be heard. The sound of a small motor could be heard, followed by a, much louder, ear pearcing NYAAAANNNNGGGGG!!!!!! sound. It was Dono. He had found Zell, and he was in the office. All else was drowned out by the ear splitting sound of flesh cutting. A disgusting splattering noise could be heard. Rinoa covered her mouth. She was terrified. Zells screaming stopped. It was obvious that he had been butchered by Dono. Footsteps had become louder. He was working his way to the control panel. His electric blade was starting. CLICK. CLICK. CLICK. It started NYANGGGG!!!! The intercom cut out and the lights stopped functioning. The bastard had cut the power. There was still lighting in the courtyards. It was the middle of the day, but MD level, where the students were, had no natural lighting. The three-thousand students, trapped in the MD level, were like lambs to the slaughter. Quistis rushed out of the elevator with twenty or so pupils. In a minute, more had poured out. Quistis was Squalls instructor in his final year. She had long blonde hair, which was tied up at the back, and small blue eyes, fixated to a round face. She was wearing a red dress, with an orange blouse.

"We have to move the students into the classrooms. It's useless, them being in MD if they can't see anything." Quistis said. Rinoa asked:

"Can I lead them up?"

"Whatever. Just be careful." Squall said. Rinoa smiled at him.

"I will." Dono had disrupted Squalls chances of proposing to Rinoa. Squall drew his gunblade, the Lionheart, and headed to the control room...

It was a complete mess. The stench of blood reached Squalls nose and made him gag. Zells corpse was strung up to the wall, and he had, apparently, been pulled inside out through his groin. Squall had to turn his head. This was when he saw it. A message was written on the adjacent wall. It was written in Zells blood.

FesTIval pusSY??? ilL Get yOU NeXT!

Squall knew exactly what he had to do. Ganra, the boy who had shot the spitwad at Dono was next in line. Squall ran. He was halfway down the second floor corridor when he heard it.

NYAAAANNNGGGG!!!!!

Squall was too late. He followed the niose into the class room that Quistis was looking after.... but Quistis was no-where to be found. At the currnet stage, no-one appeared to be hurt... but Ganra was being backed down by Dono... He was wearing thick grey combat armour and, what appeared to be a mask. All that Squall could see was short blonde hair. Dono was swinging the rusty chainsaw back and forth, with very little accuracy. Ganra was cowering in fear, and Dono was superior.

"Dono, stop!!!!" Squall yelled as he charged towards Dono. He grabbed the maniac, holding him by his elbows, surpressing him. Squall had to keep moving, trying to avoid the beserk wristwork of Dono. Dono dropped the chainsaw behind him. Squall swung Dono around quickly, trying to injure him, but wished he didn't all he did was resupply the fiend. The chiansaw stuck in the ground and Dono broke free. He grabbed the chainsaw from out of the ground and made a run for Squall. He raised his gunblade, and fiery sparks pelted off of the contact point between the bright blue blade and the mechanical monstrosity. Squall turned and tilted his blade. the chainsaw glided down the edge and sliced one student down the middle. A vioce laghed. It was cruel and menacing, like Seifers. It was Siefers.

"Look what you made me do NOW Squall!" He laughed. "Just like with Chicken-Wuss. You will die here, Squall!" The figure turned around. It wasn't Seifer speaking. His face was worn, very loosely, and Dono was simply impersonating his voice. At least what happened to Seifers head was figured out. Dono revved the chainsaw. Squall pionted his gunblade at Dono, aimed carefully and fired. At that very instant, Dono swung his chainsaw around. The remainder of the students were scrambling out of the classroom, when Ganra fell to the floor dead. Dono used Squalls bullet against him. Squall had a feeling that this would be no easy fight. He wasn't just fighting an insane student with a chainsaw, he was also fighting a super-genious.

Dono ran to the elevator and jumped off of the side of the bridge. He latched himself to the side of the elevator andd slide down the side. He ran to check on the others when he thought... Where was Quistis? Dono and her were about the same height, and the was promoted to SeeD as a tactition... She had the smarts to pull this off. He ran even faster to check on the others. He checked the class that Irvine was supposed to be looking after. No-one was in there. He ran next door, to Rinoas class. The door was locked. He knocked on it three times.

"Rinoa, Irvine, let me in!" Irvines voice was muffled, but he could still hear it.

"Get away, freak!"

"Irvine, it's me, Squall!"

"Oh, and I suppose that was Seifer that mowed everyone down back there?" Squall thought about it. Dono, or who-ever it was, had Squall right where they wanted him.

"Honestly Irvine! I really hope I'm not interrupting the moment where you actually get close to scoring with Selphie, but I'm not feeling too safe out here with ol' Hellmasker after me-" Squall was cut off by Rinoa.

"Hellmasker? Is that what you're calling yourself now?"

"Whatever! Just let me in, Rinoa!" Squall heard Rinoa murmer something, before the lock unsnipped. Squall hurriedly opened the door, closed it behind his, and locked it all in one movement. He turned around

"Why the sudden change of heart?"

"That was an obvious Squall response." Replied Irvine. He was dressed in a long brown coat with a cowboy hat the seemed to cover his face. He had a rather feminine face, with blue eyes and long brown hair that went down to his waist, tied in a vine-like ponytail. He was aiming a shotgun at Squall.

"Would you like to lower that thing, please?" Squall asked. Irvine did so, but hesitantly. Rinoa continued to ask about the name that Squall had dubbed the murderer.

"Why Hellmasker?"

"I don't know. Sounded good, I guess."

"Then you know that he was assuming Seifers identity."

"How do we know it's a he?"

"What are you saying, Squall?" Rinoa asked him.

"Well, Quistis was no-where to be found... and we have something smarter than a student on our hands...." A student spoke up.

"He got instructor Trepe." Squall was half expecting this, but he was still shocked.

"What?"

"He got her through the middle and threw her out the window..."

Again, Squall was wrong.... He began to think, would he EVER find out who was terrorizng the school?

Keep thinking, and post up anything that you think about the killer, or about the motives.

Chapter 3: The Showdown....

Locked away in a small garden classroom, Squall Leonhart slowly came to the realization that he would, most likely, die here. They were still at sea, a good two days until they reached Esthar. Would Hellmasker let them live untill then? Suall looked over at Rinoa. She was asleep, away from the stress of living. He walked up to her and stroked her head. That's it. A soon as she woke up, Squall would propose. It was now or never. He looked at Irvine, who was, only barely awake.Quistis was dead.... but where was Selphie?

"Hey, Irvine, wheres Selphie?" Irvine looked around the room.

"She's probably locked up in her classroom." Squalls face dropped.

"And if she isn't?" Squall yelled. Irvine didn't respond. Right then a knocking on the door began. "Who is it?" Squall yelled through the reinforced door.

"It's Selphie." Squall only just made out. "I thought you guys would be hungry, so I brought you some meat." Squall was skeptical.

"Selphie, stand back from the door. I'm going to make a small peephole." Squall aimed his Gunblade at the door and fired. On the seventh try, a hole was made. He looked through. It was Selphie. He unlocked the door and let her in. She had bags of meat with her.

"It was the only thing I could find."

"Selphie... where are your students?"

"Still locked in the classroom, they were too scared to leave it. I'm heading back to them now." Squall nodded his head and locked the door. He laid the meat on the ground and cast a Firaga spell, incinerating the meat. The students didn't have very much, not like Squall and Irvine. After the meal, Irvine nailed a plank of wood to the door, covering the peep-hole, but it could be rotated if they wanted view. They didn't want Hellmasker to know all of the vantage pionts of getting into the classroom.

It was just after midnight when everyone was woken by a loud knocking on the door. Squall yelled out.

"Who's there?" There was no reply from the person banging away at the door. Squall armed his gunblade and repeated, "who's there?!" It still continued to bash against the door, maniacaly. Squall turned the board on it's single nail hinge. A corpse, flesh torn away from the bone it enshrouded, was hanging upside-down from the ceiling of the corridor. It was swining, full momentum against the door. A shattering of glass broke the silence, followed by a chior of screams. Hell masker poked his head through the entryway that he had pathed himself. He climbed in through the sharp hole in the glass, death instrument trailing behind him. His heavy feet thunded on the classroom floor as he yanked the pullstring. The electric revolution of the chain drowned out all other noise as Hellmasker went beserk. He spun around, chainsaw extended, claiming the lives of seven students. He charged into a group of children, swinging the industrial weapon without accuracy. He killed eleven children. How ever many students that were left scrambled through the door, and Irvine shot at the killer with his rifle, hitting nothing. Hellmasker sliced downwards, severring the snipers arm. Irvine screamed out in pain as blood spurtted from the crudely cleft limb. Irvine ran uot into the hall, screaming out.

Then Hellmasker found himself new pray... the still sleeping, Rinoa Heartilly. Swining his chainsaw downwards, he cut her into two peices, at the stoumache. Blood ran from the mortal wound, as Rinoa's life had left her entirely.

"NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Squall screamed out in pain and shock. Anger fuelled him as he clutched his Gunblade, almost shattering the hilt under the immense pressure of his grip. He looked at the safe. Hellmasker had now sown Siefers face onto his own. Stich marks now marked out his lipline and underneath his eye. More stich marks littered his cheeks and under his chin.

It was now down to this. Squalls friends had died before his eyes. This was enough. Hellmasker would pay dearly for this.

"Squally-boy...." Hellmasker began. "Get out of the way Squally." Squalls eyes flickered with anger.

"I won't leave you until I see hear you call out my name before you DIE!!!!" Squall yelled. Hellmasker chuckled to himself evilly.

"And I'm the bad one?" Hellmasker threw his head back and let out a loud laugh. "We aren't so different Squall." Squall ran and pointed his blade at the murderers throat.

"How the fuck am I ANYTHING like you?!" Squall asked in rage. Again, Hellmasker, unintimidated by Squalls gunblade, only chuckled to himself.

"We both live to kill. You know how great taking a life is, don't you Squall? The adrenaline that charges you?" Squall slashed at Hellmaskers throat, only for the maniac to dodge it. "Except... when I kill.... I don't live under the guise that it's going towards a good cause...." Squall was intrigued by the words. Even in madness, they interested him.

"I haven't killed anyone in my life."

"You just keep telling yourself that. We may both be killers, but you're also a lier!!!" Hellmasker yelled while running towards Squall. The Gunblade master raised the Lionheart and blocked the blow coming towards him. Blue sparks came off of Squalls adamantium blade. He sidestepped and tilted the blade. The chainsaws edge glided down the gunblade. Hellmasker sliced a decapitated girl through her middle. Squall ran up and sliced Hellmaskers left arm off. "PAIN!!!" Yelled out Hellmasker in a gruff yet feminine voice. It was Fujin now.

With his sigle arm, Hellmasker cut at Squall randomly, though only hitting his right leg. Squall fell to the ground, screaming for all that was holy. Hellmasker walked over to Rinoa and slowly brushed her face with the chainsaw. Small fragments of flesh splattered around the room as Rinoa's face was being ground away. Squall ran up to Hellmasker and thrust his blade through the maniacx admonen. The armour that enshrouded Hellmasker protected him. He swung around, and Squall quickly ducked, to aviod an instant death. Squall spun around behind Hellmasker and grabbed onto Seifers face. He lifted it to expose the murderers neck, and Squall slid his blade beneath the killers chin. It would all come to an end. He raised the gunblade and slit Hellmaskers throat. Frothy red blood bathed the room and Hellmasker fell to his knees. With his last ounce of strength, he wrote with his blood:

You are a killer Squall

He collapsed to the ground and died in his trophy room.

Epilogue: The Esthar Times

After the brutal killings of both, students and teachers, in Balamb Garden, the notorious 'Hellmasker' was killed by Headmaster Leonhart, last monday evening.

The killer in question, was a staff member: Selphie Tilmit, who came to Balamb, as an exchange student, from Trabia almost three years ago, near the end of the Sorceress' reign of terror.

Selphie had killed fifty-nine people in the last week. This may answer the question of similar events at Trabia Garden, not long before Selphie left for Balamb. The only staff members left were the headmaster of Garden; Squall Leonhart, and Irvine Kinneas, the sniper who almost killed Sorceress Edea at the Deling Parade.

Selphie was dubbed 'Hellmasker' due to the unusual, and brutal murder of diciplinary comitee leader Seifer Almasy. Forenzic scientists say that it was highly likely that she cut Seifers abomen open, while he was still alive and pulled out his internal organs. When he was almost dead, she decapitated him, peeled off the face and wore it over her own.

Why she went on her rampage is, for the most part, unsolved. Dairy entries state that she hated Siefer for his vindictive attitude towards the Garden Festival, an annual event that was put on by Selphie, with very little help. This may have been why she killed Siefer.

In her room, the skeleton of a Student, Doningo Ferry, was found hanging upside down from the ceiling. The fact that there was no flesh on him at all raises the question of how it was disposed. Maybe she ate him?

Meat was brought to Leonhart, Kinneas and the late Rinoa Heartilly by Selphie. Samples show that it was human flesh, strengthening the belief that Selphie ate some of her victims, as the class that she was watching over, were all dead, with large areas of flesh missing from their bodies.

Leonhart and Kinneas were both in shock when we went to question them, Kinneas' right arm missing. The only thing that we know is that the rampage has been stopped, before more people died at the hands of this maniac...

The End? ambigous music

It has finished. It turns out that Deviod Forlorn was right with his guess... The kill was (shock horror) NOT A MARLBORO!

I guess that makes this the first fanfic that I've actually managed to finish. I now raise the question to you all: Should be be another one, ie: a sequel?

What did you all think about the fic? Anything that doesn't add up in the story? I want your feedback!


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